GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
