I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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