I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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