I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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