how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize