Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
