Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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