What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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