wat bout pragnant strippers??
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
