He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
