i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
