Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
