what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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