Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize