i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
