I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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