She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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