i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
