It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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