Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
