Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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