we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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