i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
