I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
