Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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