Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
