can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
