it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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