Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
