remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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