speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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