mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
