its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
