So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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