i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
