apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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