I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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