Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
