new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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