fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
