Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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