We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
