it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
