my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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