He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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