halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
