The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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