its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
