Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
