i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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