My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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