do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
