there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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