I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
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omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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