dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
