Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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