Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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