Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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