Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
