i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
