I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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