the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
