On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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