I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
