I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
