who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
