Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
