Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
